I had a rough day at work earlier this week, part of a long string of rough days. I was sitting in the break room during my lunch break, despairing that I would never escape this miserable job, a job I never planned to be stuck in this long. Lately this feeling of stagnation at work and stress over money has been weighing rather heavily. That day a screw-up by someone else meant I was going to have extra work to do after lunch, which I couldn’t possibly finish in time, which meant I would surely get in trouble with my boss – either for not finishing or getting overtime, both considered grievous affronts by my various supervisors. Plus I’m trying really hard to get promoted – I really need the pay increase – so its like being in a job interview all day, every day. I was half-heartedly reading the Quran, hoping to distract myself, and I found myself contemplating the idea that God was aware of everything. I found it surprisingly comforting to know that all my hopes and fears and random thoughts were being shared with God, whether I knew it or not. The following is from A Perspective on the Signs of Al-Quran: Through the prism of the heart, by Saeed Malik:
“The purified heart finds strength and security in the realization that the heart that welcomes God can never be locked again. The solace it seeks takes root in the realization that it never is and never was alone.”
I was finally starting to feel better, and the squeezing feeling in my chest was loosening, when another employee came into the break room and informed me that, by random chance, the situation had actually resolved itself. I didn’t have to do the work of 2 other people after all, and I would likely even finish early! As soon as the employee left and I had the room to myself, I immediately gave my thanks to God. Not just for the random event, but also for the comfort I received beforehand, which made me feel like even with everything going wrong, I would get through it.
I am still having moments of crippling depression lately, but the Quran and other reading seems to help. And I really am quite lucky. I may be poor compared to the people around me, but on a global scale I’m quite well off. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. I have only rarely had to resort to skipping meals for financial reasons, and even then I still had one meal a day, which is more then some people make do with. I don’t have health insurance, but I’m young and sturdy! I’m back in school this quarter, which is wonderful – I love school, actually. I do wish I could take more classes, though – I only have the time for two classes, and I barely could afford the textbooks! Still, I have zero debt, which I’m quite proud of, even though it means less flexibility then maybe I would have if I borrowed. I really wish I had more time, though. I would love to just go buy a tent and disappear in the woods for a couple days with some books and granola bars. Just read and think and meditate…. awesome.
Anyway, how do you guys get through the rough days?