Solace

I had a rough day at work earlier this week, part of a long string of rough days. I was sitting in the break room during my lunch break, despairing that I would never escape this miserable job, a job I never planned to be stuck in this long. Lately this feeling of stagnation at work and stress over money has been weighing rather heavily. That day a screw-up by someone else meant I was going to have extra work to do after lunch, which I couldn’t possibly finish in time, which meant I would surely get in trouble with my boss – either for not finishing or getting overtime, both considered grievous affronts by my various supervisors. Plus I’m trying really hard to get promoted – I really need the pay increase – so its like being in a job interview all day, every day. I was half-heartedly reading the Quran, hoping to distract myself, and I found myself contemplating the idea that God was aware of everything. I found it surprisingly comforting to know that all my hopes and fears and random thoughts were being shared with God, whether I knew it or not. The following is from A Perspective on the Signs of Al-Quran: Through the prism of the heart, by Saeed Malik:

“The purified heart finds strength and security in the realization that the heart that welcomes God can never be locked again. The solace it seeks takes root in the realization that it never is and never was alone.”

I was finally starting to feel better, and the squeezing feeling in my chest was loosening, when another employee came into the break room and informed me that, by random chance, the situation had actually resolved itself. I didn’t have to do the work of 2 other people after all, and I would likely even finish early! As soon as the employee left and I had the room to myself, I immediately gave my thanks to God. Not just for the random event, but also for the comfort I received beforehand, which made me feel like even with everything going wrong, I would get through it.

I am still having moments of crippling depression lately, but the Quran and other reading seems to help. And I really am quite lucky. I may be poor compared to the people around me, but on a global scale I’m quite well off. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. I have only rarely had to resort to skipping meals for financial reasons, and even then I still had one meal a day, which is more then some people make do with. I don’t have health insurance, but I’m young and sturdy! I’m back in school this quarter, which is wonderful – I love school, actually. I do wish I could take more classes, though – I only have the time for two classes, and I barely could afford the textbooks! Still, I have zero debt, which I’m quite proud of, even though it means less flexibility then maybe I would have if I borrowed. I really wish I had more time, though. I would love to just go buy a tent and disappear in the woods for a couple days with some books and granola bars. Just read and think and meditate…. awesome.

Anyway, how do you guys get through the rough days?

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13 responses to “Solace

  1. *hug* sorry you’ve been having such rough days. I know the feeling though, I’m still battling a depression due to stress (due to financial strain as well), and am definitely affected by SAD (Seasonally Affected Disorder).
    I pray, read inspirational books (such as the Qu’ran, but also other literature), listen to upbeat, happy music and try to get some light exercise preferably whilst getting some natural daylight.
    I’m so happy you got to have such an amazing moment of bliss, MashaAllah. I hope it will stay with you for a loooong time.

    • Thanks for the hugs Becky! My mother is also affected by SAD. Exercise is really helpful for me… when I actually do it. I admit I have been a slug lately.

  2. Lovely post. Disappearing in the woods for a few days sounds great!

    I get through rough days by remembering the promises of God and praying in faith that He will fulfill what He said He would do. (Some moments with more success than others. šŸ™‚ )

    Hope you have a wonderful week. I’m glad that problem resolved for you.

  3. would u like to hear a story full of pain and sadness and to top it off it is a real story which was posted by a person i know who visited her in the hospital? …

    http://www.myislamictools.com/en/forum/11–converting-to-islam-/105-sister-zaynas-journey-to-islam#105

    by the way there are always times when a person will feel low and down … but then these are the tests of life ….. And then maybe now u understand why the man works to provide for the family. šŸ™‚

  4. by the way i read that story like an year ago and now she is alright and her sickness is gone according to the person that knows her personally and she is also going to uni if i remember right cause i got is last year from that person who knew her personally

    • Thats such a sad story, blackb3ard911, I’m glad she’s doing better. As for letting a man provide for me…. My boyfriend and I combine our incomes to pay for rent and bills, neither of us make enough to do it alone. I live in California – I don’t know any men who make enough to fully support two people. I have no brothers, and my father disowned me and my sisters a long time ago as punishment for my mother divorcing him. So basically, waiting for a rich man to magically appear and fix my life (or waiting for my boyfriend to win the lottery), means I will be waiting in a state of homelessness for a loooong time.

  5. Sophia,

    I apologize, it is the social worker in me, but as far as health insurance goes I just want you to know there are resources available for you.

    As of Sept. 23rd new health care legislation went into effect that provides free services for preventive care, such as physical exams. Also, planned parenthood provides free pap smears and breast exams, & anything that is particular to women’s health.

    You can also sign up for medicaid through planned parenthood, that will help cover prescription costs, if you have any.

    Anyway,

    I know how you are feeling, I was in that boat for a while also. As long as you have a goal to keep striving towards, you will find something better, I promise you.

    You are in my thoughts. Hang in there hun!

    • Thanks unsettledsoul, I do use Planned Parenthood for general feminine health, but I didn’t know specifics about the health care legislation. The sign-up period for health insurance is coming up for work, but things are so tight right now I don’t know if I can afford even a small loss to my pay.

      I know things will eventually turn out ok, it just seems like I’ve been “hangin’ in” for awhile now. Still, I made the choice pay for school now and worry about my health later, and it may not be a good choice but I think its the right one.

  6. salam šŸ™‚
    congratulation for you new blog in wordpress šŸ™‚
    honestly I have not experienced hard economical situations, I live with my parents but sometimes that I feel so depressed , just think to God and to this issue that he never leave me alone and is beside me in every secend of my life although I am ignorant of him most of times.
    mariam-Iran

    • Thanks for visiting my new blog Mariam! Its hard to remember God is with us, especially at the low points in life. Still, just making myself remember that helps bring me back up for air. Depression comes to all of us eventually, I try to just accept that and let it slide by… some days it lingers, though.

  7. Sorry its taken so long to reply to everyone, its been an insane week! Thank you all so much for your kind words, it helped a lot.

  8. that is not me….she says ,she is muslim for last 13 years

    also says…
    Aussie hijabi girl
    I am australian muslimah , I ve been muslim for nearly 13 years alhamdulillah.. I am Deaf as well.. I m using an AUSLAN as well
    ….
    http://aussiehijabigirl.blogspot.com/

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